said the shotgun to the head;

I know you hate it when I leave the light on:

2005-03-15T10:18:19Z

Ugh, how busy have I been? Too busy! Getting coursework done though, so that's a good thing. Well let's see, what's been happening. I got my January exam results - A, B, C. One was better, one was worse than I expected, one I tried not to have any expectations for. Will try and resit the lit paper. The day I got my results also saw the monumentous day that was 'My First Date in Many Many Months'. We went to see the Life Aquatic which was better than I thought it was going to be. Everyone had said it was rubbish but I rather liked it. Made me want to buy a red hat ... but lack of money rather than common sense prevailed on that issue. So yes, date went well. Extremely so as the next day we met up again and poked around various comic book shops and went to his flat to watch Star Wars (as you do). And it was great because he's so sweet and it was all so innocent and tonight he's cooking me dinner and I think even if this doesn't work out, he'd be a great friend to have. Well I won't swoon just yet, but it's nice to have that part of life going a little bit ok.

My Granny's had an operation and I've been sick with worry but every time mum phones things are looking more positive and I can breathe a bit easier. Thank god. What would I do without her?

And now, I really should be in college rather than sat here eating Jaffa Cakes for breakfast and typing many things I remember from the last week but even more that I've forgotten. I hope all of you lovely people are well and that things are good. Must catch up on friends page. After college ... naturally.

xx

I stumble:

2005-03-03T06:38:36Z

Instead of devoting my life to making the perfect cup of tea at 5 in the morning as previously planned, I think from now on I'm going to devote my energy to building a time machine. And possibly taking evening classes in 'learning to think before you talk' or 'things you just shouldn't say, no matter how funny it sounded in your head', though I'd probably fail all and any exams.

Earlier it was so cold that I was sat typing with gloves on. They're a bit chunky though so all I really did was mash the keys a bit and I could tell that the people on MSN were getting a tad annoyed so I gave up, signed off and decided to do some college work. Moment of insanity, clearly. Doing college work, willingly? K got back from New York and said she had a pencil for me. She couldn't find it though and I was bitterly disappointed. Oh well, perhaps tomorrow. I watched the DVD of Red vs Blue whilst eating dinner today with the commentary on. It was pretty informative and obviously a bit funny.

It's Mother's Day on Sunday and I feel so awful cause I can't afford to send my mum anything. So I'm thinking of making her something ... but not feeling all that creative. I am such a crappy daughter. But at least I know it, I suppose. Am planning to do something extra nice for her birthday though. At least I have months to coax my creative juices into flowing before then. Today's (yesterday's?) theme has been acceptance. I had a long bath in the morning and just thought for ages and as the water got colder the only real conclusions that I could come up with was that things changed and they're not going to change back. It didn't hit me like a brick wall (though, how do brick walls even hit you? inanimate, no?), it was just me, sitting in some water that was steadily getting colder accepting the things that had happened because, after all, what else could I do at this point? I could pine, whimper, proclaim my anguish from the rooftops but what good would any of that do? The latter possibly resulting in an acquisition of a criminal record but really, I've never been one for scary melodrama (though some people may disagree with me on that one). I suppose I just got a little bit tired with feeling a little too many regrets. So new mantra: what's done is done. Well, new for me. I will recite this over and over as I build my time machine. Er, which I obviously won't need with my newfound desire to not change the past. Um ...

Oh, and as for my three exams at once conundrum, it appears that I can submit a coursework essay instead of sitting one and for the other two, well! I'll be sat in the exam hall doing one right after the other, possibly resulting in sitting in the same chair for 3 and a half hours. Possibly even four if the language one turns out to be longer than I think. Numb bum, anyone? I don't think this is fair as I won't even get a teeny break and if I need to go to the toilet someone has to come with me to make sure I don't try and find out the questions from the people who've already sat whichever one I've not done first. Uh, even if I found out the questions ... where would I even have the time to plan or lookup answers? It's so much simpler in Ireland. One exam board, no clashes. No sitting in one seat for a silly amount of time and no one following you into the bloody toilet. Perhaps I should practise my sitting ... you know, make sure I'm fully prepared for the trauma. Yes, always good to be prepared for extreme conditions.

I want to see the Spongebob Squarepants Movie. I'd imagine it's good but as I have yet to see it I can't possibly know. Ooh, K has a free house this weekend. We may be having a little soiree. I hope that scary guy who always wants to talk about Communism isn't there. I mean *always*. I don't mind talking politics but no one likes a broken record. Especially one who drinks with his pinky held outward. I think he hates me because I laughed when he sort of fell into some dog poo. I am a bad person.

In my life:

2005-03-01T04:05:14Z

Ack. Stupid livejournal was in read-only mode. Eat my entry, will you?! Stupid thing. I had paragraphs written about today and tomorrow, nothing that interesting but god, there's 10 minutes of my life I'm not getting back. I should sue, perhaps.

Jonny phoned last night and then I called him back and collectively over the course of the night we ended up talking for near on six hours. By the final time I'd hung up it was starting to get bright outside and snow had just started to fall. It was so quiet and sickeningly peaceful that I couldn't drag myself away from the window; I never knew falling snow was so hypnotic. But apparently it is so beware! You could be it's next, er, victim.

Had a doctor's appointment today, nothing big just a check up. The new doctor is really nice though, and unlike her predecessor she actually understands what I'm saying. Afterwards I went round to D's house and he cooked some dinner and we played Halo online and watched Red vs Blue again aswell as Dodgeball later on. I wasn't expecting much from Dodgeball, actually, but it was much better than I thought. In fact, I was in need of cheering up so it's humour and general strangeness were much appreciated and very welcome. D's great. It's so weird to think that he was my other half for almost two and a half years and now he's just a friend. Well not just a friend, a best friend I guess. It's nice that we're still extremely close if not a bit sad that it didn't work out. But it's ok, yes! I will survive etcetc!

And now because I consumed an absurd amount of caffeine today, I'm going to take my laptop to bed, snuggle under my two quilts (it's unbelievably cold here, actually wait ... its almost 4am so maybe it's not that unbelievable) and watch Léon. I love Jean Reno. He makes my mouth involuntarily take an upward turn, bless him.

I guess that's all for now, folks. I had more to say but it got eaten by Frank the livejournal goat, presumably. If this entry doesn't make it over the trenches I'm gonna be mighty pee-pee'd off. Which reminds me, albeit indirectly, Blackadder! Must find discs. Yes.

x

Spitting Games:

2005-02-27T05:25:39Z

The highlight of today was eating spicy Vermicelli. It was the nicest thing I've eaten in ages, and considering my poor student status am not likely to be eating it again soon. A shame because I fucking love the Chinese near my flat.

Am glad Faye managed to snag tickets for the Bravery again. Looking forward to the May show even though it's two days before my first exam. There's been a bit of a big cock up with the exam timetable in that I have three exams on the same day at the exact same time. As I've not yet mastered time travel/cloning/splitting myself into three entities ... someone had really better sort that out. At least there are no exams around my birthday time so I might nip home if it's on a weekend. Ah, just checked and it is. That should make mumsy happy as I didn't bother going back for my 18th which she was quite pissed about last year.

Christ, can't open a webpage without having the Oscars mentioned. When are they anyway? I have no real opinions on possible winners as I've not really bothered to see any of the films nominated. Although in saying that I only know what a few of the nominees are. Is the Aviator any good? Because my head says not likely but if it's worth the £3.50 or whatever I might make the effort to go and see it. I have many essays that refuse to write themselves due in on Monday. Great. I got into a mad panic today because I just got the feeling that I should be doing something in the science area rather than humanities. I mean, have I just tricked myself into thinking that English is what I've always wanted to do? Because lately, really not feeling like another three years of this is what I want. And with science, yeah the interest was always there but ... but what? Blah. I hate making decisions. I should really just stop complaining and get a job. Yeah, that'd be good. Then I might have a chance of actually affording the Europe trip, the Leeds festival ticket rather than dreaming about them. I think I need sex. I am wound way too tight lately, so frustrated. I miss it. Though it could just be him that I miss it with. Oh well, that ship has sailed and sunk so no more on that topic. Ack, look at the time! I need to get a fucking body clock that works sometime soon.

Oh but, hello new friends on friendslist! *waves* This icon makes my forehead look huge, haha.

New Journal:

2005-02-26T04:13:23Z

Rah! Ok, so new livejournal. I hope I put this to good use. I generally have a lot on my mind recently and with exams coming up it would be good to offload stuff here. It's pretty late but I don't feel tired at all yet. Jonny phoned me at about half two and stayed on for an hour until his credit ran out. He told me he asked his Magic 8 ball yesterday would he ever speak to me again because I hadn't replied to his texts and I thought this was a bit funny. He was drunk and he rambled on and we talked about silly things. What else is there to talk about at that time of the morning anyway? He's lucky I'm a night owl or I'd have been a bit peeved had he woken me up. When I actually do manage to get to sleep I value it very much. He's a funny guy. I met his flatmate Clare and she seemed pretty nice. From Liverpool, very friendly. Almost scarily friendly. It's nice that I've been making some new friends around here. Just friends, I might add. Am in absolutely no frame of mind to jump into another relationship anytime soon!

I have an essay that I might start writing later on if I still can't get to sleep. That or watch Secretary again. Hmm, tough choice that one. We shall see. It's amazingly cold here right now. Might jump into bed soon, if only to be underneath two quilts.

And so I pronounce this livejournal open for business! *cracks open bottle of champagne and drowns LJ* Let the games begin!

And the talking leads to touching
and the touching leads to sex
and then there is no mystery left